But truly it’s better to feel like I’m on a roller coaster going up and down and all around than a merry-go-round where I simply don’t get anywhere.
My thoughts have been a scattered mess as of late. I am forever deep in thought, daydreaming, or simply in another world… planning my life ahead of me. I feel sometimes I cannot rest and it at times drives me mad.
It’s been an easy adjustment since I’ve come back from Switzerland again, and have enjoyed visiting everyone here and getting accustomed to the regular lifestyle of living in the South again. But I can’t help but feel a restlessness within. It’s as if something inside me is trying to escape, to be set free and yet I’m in a position to where I must keep living in my current station of life before I eventually embrace a new one.
But oh, the wait! The not knowing of everything… such uncertainty lies at every corner.
I’ve not been here a month and already my restlessness has grown immensely. I was, in a sense, ready to return to Europe within a day or two after I’d gotten back – Lord, help me! 😀 It gets harder to leave.
Next week, on a Wednesday to be exact, my sister starts a new life. She will be flying out to Oregon where she’ll stay, most likely, for the rest of her days. She has her connections out there and has already visited 3 times in the past and is now ready to call it her new home. It will be bittersweet for me, for as happy as I am for her, and desire her happiness, I shall also miss her terribly.
True, everyone grows up. Things can’t always remain the same – I know this. Yet when I stare such change in the face, how unexpected it seems… how vulnerable and unsure I feel.
I fear change, though nevertheless I also welcome it. I must. For without any change, even I myself would not be where I am in this life, for it has been through change that I have found such things as happiness, faith, love and peace.
And…. I am curious and excited about what the summer will bring.