Somehow I can’t seem to function anymore like I use to. Like, I still live through the days and get along in life just fine, but still deep within, there is a constant almost churning feeling that I can’t make go away. It’s a feeling that is keeping me going and never lets my mind rest. I can never seem to just let my mind quiet down.
Part of the reason I admit is due to the wondering of when I shall go back to Europe again. And then again. And again. Always going back. Always longing to return. Perhaps I should make a plan just to stay permanently? I’ve thought about this deeply.
It’s something that never goes away and it claws at me daily. I can’t explain it other than feeling like a fish out of water… or perhaps it’s like having been in the ocean and now are having to live in a tank… and you gaze outside the glass at the same things everyday… and know there’s something better, far better out there in life because you’ve tasted it. Lived it. Breathed it.
This is the feeling that I have and it engulfs me in a bit of an overwhelming way.
I know that I should be happy where I am, and to not pick a place for being home but to enjoy life wherever I am, whatever my situation is… but it’s hard. It’s not always easy for me to do. I admit I struggle with that often.
I feel also like I’m in a bit of a transition. Like, I’m not at “point A” nor am I at “point B” – I’m somewhere in between. I know where I want to be, and am working hard on making this come true.
But oh, how restless I feel.
Like a mermaid… longing to leave the sea behind and embrace the life on land.